Thursday, June 13, 2013

Worst Experience Ever

I've already blogged about some horrible and terrifying experiences with spiders. But today, I have one that takes the cake.

It literally caused a grown woman to hyperventilate and burst into tears.

Let me rewind... It all began with our plum tree. A week ago, the plums started to ripen. There were so many, I couldn't keep up with picking them. So today I decided to just get it done and pick all of the plums off our tree.

I grabbed a few large bowls and some paper bags and headed outside. About 30 minutes later, I had filled 5 paper bags and 2 large bowls. I brought everything inside and set it on the kitchen floor.

I was going to wash all the ones in the bowl so we could eat them and that's when I saw it...

Now I know that I can be one to exaggerate but I'm going to describe this spider for you in the most honest sense so you can cringe and cry with me.

It was all black with white spots. It had hairy legs and looked like a tarantula. Yeah, a TARANTULA. Its body was the size of a nickel and overall, it was probably close to the size of one of those dollar coins.

And that's when I started hyperventilating. I didn't have much time to think and I wanted to keep an eye on it because if it had crawled away and I couldn't find it, I would've grabbed Allie and burned the house down.

I grabbed my rubber dishwashing gloves and a paper towel and without thinking about it too much, grabbed the spider and squished.

It made a cracking sound when I squished it. Kind of like crushing a tortilla chip in your hand.

And that's when I started crying. My chest started heaving and I couldn't catch my breath. I ran to the bathroom and tossed the papertowel into the toilet. I flushed it 3 times, just to be sure.

And then I called Brian sobbing. Fortunately, he had the werewithal to refrain from laughing at me. But, you guys, I cried more just thinking about it. I was SO scared. Of course Brian pointed out that spiders aren't out to get me and it was probably more scared of me than I was of it.

Pssht. YEAH RIGHT. If I had 8 hairy legs and looked like death, I wouldn't be afraid of anyone. And because I accidentally saw a scene from Arachnaphobia when I was little, I assume all spiders are hostile and want to torment and kill me.

Now I've had the feeling like something is crawling on me all day and I keep thinking I see spiders crawling on the floor.

It's an understatement to say that this has been the most traumatizing experience of my life.

Oh and the irony is not lost on me that I had A Bug's Life Soundtrack playing in the background. 

Friday, June 7, 2013

My Ride

This is the car that my husband bought from a police auction when he was 16 years old. It's his baby. He loves it.
Unfortunately, his baby gets about 12 miles per gallon. So a few years ago, when he started doing construction work in Tahoe (or really far away places) we decided to switch cars since the Tacoma (which I had bought a little over a year ago) gets about 22 miles per gallon on the freeway. Plus all the extra space in the bed came in handy for all his tools and junk that he needed to lug to work every day.

Since then, the Bronco has basically become my car (but don't let Brian hear you calling it my car because it makes him really sad). I don't mind driving it. Now. At first, it scared me. The thing is 18 years old, for Pete's sake. Not to mention before we switched cars, I had only driven it a handful of times and it had died on me. Twice.

But now, I'm used to it and I love it. Sure it's difficult throwing a car seat into a 2 door SUV that is 30 inches or so off the ground. Sure the gas mileage isn't great and the general smell of man/metal hasn't disappeared. Sure I have to manually roll the windows down and it takes a minute or two to get up to speed on the freeway.

But the pros? Well, that thing is a tank. If we ever get into an accident, I'm sure we'll come out alive and unscathed. I'm also fairly certain the doors are bullet proof (since it was a police car before) because they weigh a ton and I should know. I have the bruised shins to prove it. It also has a metal bumper so there's plenty of space for me to push cars out of my way and no one ever has to know.

All in all, would I trade it for the fancy Dodge Journey we rented (courtesy of my baby sis who works at Enterprise) with its satellite radio, push-button ignition, and rear controlled A/C this past weekend on our trip to LA?
Umm...

Uhh......

Hmm..........

Nooo.....................?



Don't tell Brian.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

For sale

I'm selling my left arm.

Ok, I exaggerate.

Let me rewind a bit...

Allie really wanted to go to Disneyland for her first birthday.

*Ahem... *shifts uncomfortably*

Fine. FINE! That's a lie. I really wanted to go to Disneyland for Allie's first birthday. But we decided that going in August would be too hot and crowded so that idea was scrapped.

And replaced, of course.

With this idea: going to Disneyland for my birthday.

November will be much cooler and less crowded so it was just a better idea all around. We'll be going with my parents, sisters, brother-in-law and nephew. We're going for a few days to get our money's worth, so we'll be staying in a hotel.

Now we are on a tight budget, so Disneyland trips just aren't really a possibility right now, or ever.

But.

BUT.

I have 6 months.

And I am determined.

6 months to raise a little extra cash to pay for a little birthday trip for me. "It's my birthday present to me!" Name that movie!

So I've been scheming a few ways to make money but unfortunately most were ridiculous, illegal, or unethical. Then I realized I had done all this work in Adobe InDesign to create a few prints for Allie's nursery. So I decided to post them on Etsy for sale.

You can check them out by clicking the link at the top of the page that says "My Etsy Shop".

And before you get all "Ugh she's promoting herself." well, yes. I am. So good for you, Captain Obvious!

I blog because I love it. I love writing my thoughts out and making people laugh. It doesn't generate any money for me but that's fine. I couldn't care less because I do it for kicks and giggles.

But that doesn't mean I don't like to make an extra buck here and there. Especially when it's going towards my "Birthday Present To Me Disneyland Trip Fund".

So I will promote myself via my blog if I want to. Because it's my birthday and I'm allowed to do what I want!!! Or something like that that sounds less selfish and spoiled....

DISNEYLAND OR BUST Y'ALL!!! WHOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

On a completely unrelated note, if someone is interested in buying a left arm, please contact me.

On another completely more related note, if you are interested in donating to my Birthday Present To Me Disneyland Trip Fund, please contact me.

Note: If you don't understand my obsession with Disneyland, read these to get an idea.