Tuesday, April 30, 2013

If babies could talk

I have mentioned before how loud our daughter is. I really think this is due to the fact that Brian and I are extremely loud for no reason at all, so she probably feels like she needs to keep up. We also figured out that we've just started a chain reaction that will ruin all of our children. Even if we try to be quiet with the next one, Allie will be all loud and then the next baby will be like "Oh, okay, loudness is normal."

All that to say... I thought it'd be fun to write a post about what Allie would be saying in the midst of all those sounds if she could talk.
  • (When happily riding in her car seat on a trip to the grocery store) "Heeeeeyyyyy mooommmm... *squeal* I'm just chillin' back here in the car seat... *scream* Mom! I think I can be louder than the music! Watch! *AUUUGGGHHHHHH*"
  • (When she wakes up early and plays in her crib for awhile before I get her) "Oooh... Oooohhh... I just woke up from 12 hours of sleep *SQQQUUUEEEAALLLL* and now I'm going *SQQUUEEEAAALLL* to let Mom know. Oh, there's my tiger *SQUUUEEEAAALLL*"
  • (When I put her down awake and she's tired but not ready to fall asleep just yet) "Heeeyyyy guys... I can still hear you... *Waaahhh* I just wanted you to know that I'm not asleep yet... I'm too tired to really cry but I'll just whine feebly until the tiredn--ZZZZZZZZ"
  • (When she grabs something that's unsafe for her to play with and I take it away) "HOW DARE YOU REMOVE THAT TOY FROM MY HAND YOU INFIDE--Oh look, a cracker."
  • (When I'm making dinner and she's playing in her high chair) "AH! AH! My, this block is delicious to chew on. AH! I think I can go higher and louder than that. AH-- *reaches sounds only dogs can hear* 
  • (When she's playing and I walk out of the room) "Doo doo doo... Just playing with my toys while Mom watches m-- WHERE DID MOM GO?? I'VE BEEN ABANDONED! I WILL DIE! SOMEO-- Oh, there you are. Doo doo doo... playing with my toys..."
  • (When she's been playing for 15 minutes and then decides she wants to be picked up) "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Ma. Mommy. Momma. Mummy. Momma. Mommy. MOM. MOM. MOM! MOMMMYYYY! MOOOOOOOOMMMMYYYYY!! MOOOOOOM!!!!! *I pick her up* Hi. *smiles*"

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

What it means to have a baby

  • ... that the cliches are true... Your life will now revolve around a little one.
  • ... that you will have this baby attached to you 24/7 and long for a break but as soon as the baby is asleep or being watched by dad so you can run errands, you'll miss her.
  • ... that when your husband decides to take you to see the Hobbit in theaters for your birthday, you'll decide to bring the baby because "she'll sleep the whole time." And then she won't sleep the whole time. Even worse, she'll choose a silent scene in the movie when you can hear a pin drop to pass some gas. And then you and your husband will die laughing. 
  • ... that when you shop for clothes, you'd rather buy something for your baby girl than something for yourself. Never thought that day would come. 
  • ... that you know all the jingles on her toy smart phone, play laptop, and Baby Mozart DVD. Then you will marvel at the kinds of toys her children will have. Then you think someday she'll be like "Mom, you guys had a touch phone? It didn't even connect to your mind thoughts? Oh my gosh that is so lame."
  • ... that life - shopping, showers, dinners, events - must be planned around the baby's nap schedule. And that you quiver with fear at the thought of what will happen if you sway from that schedule. ALWAYS STICK TO THE SCHEDULE. 
  • ... that all your stories will now be about your baby, what they did that day, what they ate, how they slept, how horrendous their poops were, etc. You totally become one of those parents that can't shut up about their baby and you don't even care. You have 1,543 photos on your iPhone to prove it. "Here let me show you a million pictures of the best looking baby in the world!"
  • ... you will inevitably get advice from random strangers on how to raise your child.
  • ... your life will change dramatically and you will never, ever be the same. Not to like freak you out or anything...

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Blah Blah Blog

Sometimes I don't blog because I don't have time. Other days, I sit down and have absolutely nothing to write about. No inspiration. No funny stories. Nothing. I'll type a few sentences and then bore myself with the topic (which is always an indicator that I shouldn't be writing about it in the first place).

But sometimes, I just like to type a bunch of random thoughts. Okay, a lot of the time. Fine! All the time! All the random thoughts ALL THE TIME!!! But if I put them in bullet points, it's so neat and organized that it makes it better. Trust me.

All that to say... this is one of those times.
  • On the way home from church, a song from the soundtrack of Pride & Prejudice came on my iPod. I asked Brian if he knew what movie it was from and he totally knew. Success!!! And then for the next 10 minutes we talked in British accents using "thou" instead of "you". "Doest thou have a washroom? Thank thee." Name that movie!
  • Turns out we didn't have a baby. We had a small velociraptor. She screeches ALL. THE. TIME. She doesn't play quietly like other normal babies. She screams and screeches and squawks nearly every waking moment. I have no idea who she gets that from. *blank stare* Also "when she looks at you, you can tell she's working things out. Clever girl..."
  • Ooohhh speaking of the baby, she's rolling over now. I am beginning to think it was a bad idea to teach her how to do that. It all started when I had to change her poopy diaper and she decided she wanted to roll away naked. That's when I knew that her doctor hated me when he said "Do tummy time so she can get stronger and roll over." That jerk. (Totally joking, our doc is like the sweetest guy ever...)
  • And speaking of jerks, whoever invented a teething giraffe that squeaks when you squeeze it obviously despises mothers all over the world. The only thing it seems to have taught Allie is how to wring the neck of a small animal. Which kind of worries me. 
  •  Whenever it's windy and I'm walking outside, all of a sudden I'm a model in a fashion shoot. I start strutting around and then throw my hip to the side in a sassy "look at me" way. And then I remember I'm at Winco and people are staring (and not in a good way).
  • Sometimes I get carried away showing Allie how to play with her toys and it entertains me more than it does her. I think Brian is concerned about this. 
  • Yesterday it was sunny, windy, and cold outside, which always reminds me of the beach. I was wearing shorts and a sweatshirt and listening to Jack Johnson all day while hugging my Rainbows. I really miss the beach. *Sigh... (If you don't know... Rainbows are the greatest flip flops known to mankind. I'm also pretty sure they're a So Cal thing because I've never seen anyone wearing them around these parts, unless they spent a significant portion of their life in So Cal.)
  • Allie is asleep for her morning nap and even though I have loads of laundry and dishes to do, I really want to craft. Clean underwear or crocheted baby blanket... Decisions, decisions...