Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Motherhood and other serious things

Motherhood. It's a strange thing...

What is the measure of it? That's what I've been thinking a lot lately. We've been stretched between Brian working overtime, working on the bathroom remodel, keeping up with various activities, all these extracurricular things that have me wondering... what's the point?

Is my goal to get everything checked off my to-do list? Or to spend as much time with my daughters as possible? Do I ignore the state of my home to make sure I'm putting in valuable time with them? Or even more, do I pop in a movie for Allie so I can have a normal, uninterrupted adult conversation with Brian? Or does that make me a bad mom? Is it okay for her to know the words to "Let It Go" as long as she also knows the words to "Trust and Obey"?

Should she be able to count to 5? Rattle off her ABC's? Is she supposed to be eating 3 square meals a day with healthy snacks in between? What if all she's had are refried beans and chips? And what about Maddie? She's obviously not getting as much attention as Allie did. Should I be spending more time playing and interacting with her? Should she be rolling over? Walking? Potty-trained?

I don't feel like I have everything together. There's stuff strewn about the floors, which haven't been cleaned in ages (although to be fair, concrete sub-floors can never really be that clean). The laundry pile seems to be growing even if I've just done 16 loads of laundry. Sometimes dinner burns. Sometimes the fridge has leftovers that have turned into science experiments.

Sometimes I realize minutes before Brian comes home that I haven't brushed my teeth yet. I've learned to ignore the stack of tools and building equipment that have taken over one side of our living room. And that's without even comparing myself to others (which is a deep, dark hole that once you fall into is nearly impossible to climb out of). It's a funny thing living in the internet age where everyone can plaster pictures of their homes all over the place. I don't think my mom ever took pictures of her home to show others. But in our world, this is normal. Comparing ourselves has become SO incredibly easy to do.

I know my goal as a Christian is to bring God glory. But what does that look like? It has to be different for each person, right? Because we're all different. So what's a woman to do?

Keep your head down. Live a quiet life. Work with your hands. Love God and others and do what you've been called to do. And it's okay if it looks different than other people. Because ultimately we are to compare ourselves to Christ and when we see how much we fall short, we rejoice in His gracious work on the cross.

Can I get an amen? Now excuse me while I tackle that laundry pile once again. 

Just kidding, I'm gonna go eat some chocolate cake.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Her Mother's Daughter

Sunday's are so quiet around here. The girls usually take one long nap at the same time so after some half-hearted tidying up, I'm usually free to do whatever I want. Within reason, of course. I mean, I'm not like some crazed teenager who's just discovered the freedom of college. It's more like "Hey, let's bust out the cookie dough while I crochet and watch Persuasion." And usually I say this to Brian, who's either like "Zzzzzz..." or "No."

Anyway, this time I decided to blog a bit before I jump right into the never-ending blanket project. Don't worry, dear sister, I'm sure I'll have it done before I die. Hopefully before you die too.

I've realized that Allie is abnormally loud. I never gave much thought to it until I observed her around other normal children and noticed that she was the only one running in circles, screaming at the top of her lungs. I usually think..."Who is this child? She must get it from Brian. His mom said he was pretty much her worst kid and she's had 6 so..." (I'm obviously paraphrasing here because, while Brian's mom loves to tell stories of the shenanigans he would get into, she thinks he's just the most wonderful son a woman could ask for.) But I digress... Allie. Loud. Obnoxiously loud. Crazy. Wild. Hyper.

Where does this all come from? I really had no idea until... the other day. We were cleaning and of course cleaning calls for a good musical soundtrack. And as I belted out Whitney Houston's How will I know at the top of my lungs in the loudest operatic voice I could manage, it hit me.


Who else is she around all day? Brian doesn't come home and start yell/singing at the top of his lungs. Maddie certainly doesn't give Allie any ideas about screaming (although I'm certain it's beginning to happen the other way around.)


It's me.

Her mother.

The loudest human being on the planet.

Okay, fine that's an exaggeration but all things considered, she must get her mannerisms from me. Is that okay? We don't sit quietly and have dainty tea parties and say things like "Oh your dress looks lovely today, darling."

When we have tea parties, Allie hits my cup as hard as possible when we're toasting. We do some amazing mother/daughter dances around the house while we clean that I think could be viewed as a ballet/kick boxing mix. When I'm telling her not to do something (like touch the stove), sometimes I'll sing loudly "Mootheerrrrrrrr knows best!!!" Except the 'best' word is sung like that note in Phantom of the Opera where Christine goes so high you think the chandelier is going to shatter.

So it's my fault she's loud. My fault she's a crazy nutter. But you know what? I'm okay with that. It'll be great when she's older and we can sing duets while we twirl around with our tiaras, mops, and feather boas kick-dancing to some classic 80's music.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Eggs are sides for bacon.

I have been so frustrated with my weight loss. I know, I know "Eat better and exercise." I know what I have to do, it's actually doing it that's the problem. Since Brian's brother moved out and left us with a treadmill, I really have NO excuse for not exercising. But after a few weeks of sort of consistently walking/running on the treadmill, I still don't fit into my regular pants.

Yeah, yeah, it's supposed to take at least 6 weeks to see results. I KNOW. It just doesn't make it easier to do it. I told Brian that if I literally saw the fat falling off while I ran, it'd be so much more motivating. Gross, but think how much faster and longer you'd run if that happened! Okay, don't think too much. It'll make you queasy.

At any rate, I figured out what motivates me: clothes. Right? I mean is this a surprise to anyone? Having cute leggings to run in or flashy shoes to look down at when I think I'm going to pass out and face plant on the treadmill makes things so much better.

I'm not usually a fan of shirts with writing on them but for exercising, I thought it would be cool to have something Biblical and motivating while I exercise. Added to my birthday list (you know, in case you were frantically wondering what you should buy me.)


Monday, October 13, 2014

A Friday List. On Monday.

Well my Friday list is actually going to be a Monday list, but eh, you know how it goes...
  • I've started running on the treadmill again because I'm still 20 lbs over my original weight (which was 10 lbs over what I'd like to be). And by running, I mean walking quickly with short bursts of sprinting in between. It usually goes like this "I'll sprint for 1 minute when the timer reaches 3:00. (10 seconds of sprinting go by)... "I'll sprint for 15 seconds." But hey, I have to start somewhere and I'm motivated by the many pairs of pants in my closet just begging to be worn this winter. It's still debatable if leggings qualify as pants so I really need to fit into my normal jeans again.
  •  My 30th birthday is in 4 weeks. It happens to land on a Sunday which is nice because there's not much else I'd like to do on my birthday than go to church, worship the One who's kept me alive this long and then spend the day relaxing. But I won't say no to a lunch date at my favorite sushi restaurant.... too bad Brian doesn't read my blog. I'm going to have to drop some subtle hints like "Hey, take me to Blue Nami for my birthday lunch. Please."
  • If you're going to surprise me with a present, please let it be fat-free cheesecake that tastes EXACTLY like the fatty kind. What's that? It doesn't exist? Well, it wouldn't be a surprise then, now would it?
  • One wall of the girls' bathroom shower is tiled! We went with a perpendicular herringbone pattern and I LOVE it. I think we've finally gotten back into our work groove so here's hoping we'll have 2 functioning bathrooms soon! (I tried to post my Instagram pic of it here but it won't let me and I'm too lazy to do it from my phone so.... follow me on Instagram. :)
  • Allie is still figuring out going #2 in the toilet. Long story short, her Cinderella underwear ended up in the sink needing to be washed. After we finished up in the bathroom, I grabbed the underwear to go toss in the washing machine and she points at it and says matter-of-factedly "I pooped on Cinderella." Yes. Yes you did. Try not to be so proud of yourself, huh?
  • Another less gross Allie story, she is quite the chatterbox these days. The other day, Maddie was starting to squeal in her chair and Allie says "Maddie's singing." I agreed and suggested she teach her a song. So she starts "Trust and obey... way, no, no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey. Pray, Maddie? God... loves Allie. Bed. Eat. Amen!" I wish I could say I got this recorded on my phone but as soon as she sees the phone out, she stops everything and does her squishy face. It's only cute after the first 100,000 times. 
  • It is pretty cool seeing Allie and Maddie interact more. Maddie is such a happy baby and Allie loves to make her laugh. But Allie also loves to smother her in kisses and hugs so we're working on that. Poor Maddie. She gets smothered in kisses from everyone though. It's her fault for being so darn cute and kissable!! 
  • Happy Monday!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Why so serious?

It's strange how technology has changed things. Warning: semi-serious post ahead.

I've been blogging for about 3 years now. It's never been about the money. Obvs. (I mean, I'm still waiting on that check from Google for that $0.03 I earned through ads.)

It's always been an outlet for me. I like to write. I think I'm funny. Sometimes I read what I've written and chuckle to myself. But I've never really felt pressure to keep up with new projects, new ideas, new blog material to bring in more readers. I think I started out with... 3 readers? And now I'm up to like 7?

I've been reading a handful of blogs over the years and all of these writers at some point or another have decided to take a break. They want to focus more on family, less on blogging. Totally fine with me. I will always encourage someone to spend more time with the ones you love because that matters more. I guess I've always subconsciously made that decision which is why sometimes I have posts every other day and other times it can go 2 weeks without a post.

But since I don't get paid for this (I don't really care to, actually), I've never been concerned about anything like how to get more readers, more sponsors, more money. I know it would be different if all of a sudden, someone wanted to pay me to do this. But maybe I'd say no. Because I would never want to make this blog stressful. It's always been about sharing my feelings and thoughts, not about turning it into a business. Plus I really can't imagine anyone wants to pay me to share my feelings and thoughts. Pretty sure you usually have to pay someone else to do that and they're called a therapist.

At any rate, I'm going to keep doing this as long as I feel like. As long as there's a funny story to tell. As long as there's a list of weird and random thoughts going through my mind. As long as the internet will let me.

You guys make it easy on me. You read my thoughts and put up with my random topics and still keep coming back.

So thank you, 7 faithful readers. Let's get back to the fun stuff, shall we? Friday list coming tomorrow! *muah* *hugs*

Monday, October 6, 2014

A Monday List

Instead of tidying up the house, like I should be while both girls are sleeping, I decided to blog. I have so much on my mind. Ha... okay, not really but I thought it was time for another Friday Monday list!
  • The nights are definitely starting to cool down. It makes me want to crochet and snuggle on the couch watching movies. And of course eat all kinds of apple/pumpkin/fall goodness.
  • Saturday we moved the guest bed out into the shed. And by we, I mean me. And by moved, I mean dragged through the house and out into the back yard. I'll just give you a play by play... "I'll just do as much as I can until I really need Brian's help. I don't want to interrupt his work groove on the bathroom (which is ready for tile!!!). I can totally lift this mattress. Nope. I can totally drag this mattress. I can totally take apart this Ikea bed. Boom. Done. I can totally lift this small nightstand. Wait. Are there rocks in the drawers? *Sigh... Allie... Huh. No rocks. It's okay, I got this. Phew! All done!" {THE NEXT MORNING} "I'll just sit here in my rocking chair and feed Maddie...... Okay, all done. I'll just stand up and put her in her bassinet. NOPE. NOPE. MAYDAY. MAYDAY. CHEST TIGHT. SPINE MUST BE BROKEN. CAN'T BREATHE. CALL BRIAN." And then I spent the rest of the day being a useless lump of flesh. NOTE TO SELF: Maybe stretch after lifting heavy things and carrying them around? Maybe? Otherwise you'll pull a back muscle and scare yourself into thinking that you broke your spine. Ehh it's okay. Nothing a little heating pad and massage couldn't fix.
  • So we're turning our guest room into an office/play room (hence moving the guest bed out into the shed). We don't have guests as often as we need an office so we decided to make this space functional for us. I'm drawing up plans for building a big, long desk. Brian needs space to draw/design and I need space for bills/papers/coupons/whatever else paper junk that needs to be organized.  Maybe I'll let you know how it goes. Or maybe you should just follow me on Instagram because that's probably where I'll document it... This blog is definitely not a DIY blog. In fact, I don't really think it fits into any category. Weird ramblings of a 20-something (almost 30), stay-at-home, craft-ADD, shop-a-holic woman? I've got that niché covered.
  • Allie's kitchen still isn't done. It's missing an oven door and the baskets for the fridge. Poor kid. She still plays with it though. Her little half-finished kitchen. #firstworldproblems Maybe we'll get it done for Christmas this year? Or maybe we'll just give up and let her think that it's normal for ovens to not have doors....?
  • We're finally back into work-on-the-house mode and the bathroom will finally be something more than an empty room with a tub and open wall frames. Drywall has been hung so next step is tiling which is actually my favorite part! Although drywall mudding is also lots of fun... Anyway, we decided to go with subway tile, like we did for the kitchen back splash. But to mix things up, we're doing a straight herringbone pattern like this one. I'm pretty excited to see how everything turns out.
Well, that's all for now! Happy Monday!

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Life before/after babies

What did we do before babies?

This is the question that came to my mind on Sunday afternoon. Allie and Maddie had both been asleep for 3.5 hours.

Yeah, that's not a typo.

I have no idea why they both slept that long but they did. The bummer thing is I wish they had told me ahead of time they were going to sleep because I would've planned for a big project (like organizing the guest room). Instead I did some cleaning, some laundry, and some sitting.

Literally. Sat for a good 20 minutes and just thought. I don't even remember the last time I did something like that. I know I thought I was busy before I had kids, but I cannot for the life of me remember what I was busy with. Work? Projects? Baking things from scratch? I really have no idea. I think I used to workout but I can't remember.

All in all it was really  nice to have that little break to just sit and think to myself. No whining. No rushing toddlers to the bathroom. No calming a gassy baby. Just me and my thoughts. For 20 solid minutes.

And then Maddie woke up and needed to be fed and Allie woke up with a poopy diaper (since she still wears diapers for sleeping) and the chaos was full force all over again.

If I had to choose between the quiet moments and the chaotic every day, I'd choose chaos every time. I love these girls and there really is nothing I'd rather be doing than spending time with them. Quiet thinking time is overrated.