Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Motherhood and other serious things

Motherhood. It's a strange thing...

What is the measure of it? That's what I've been thinking a lot lately. We've been stretched between Brian working overtime, working on the bathroom remodel, keeping up with various activities, all these extracurricular things that have me wondering... what's the point?

Is my goal to get everything checked off my to-do list? Or to spend as much time with my daughters as possible? Do I ignore the state of my home to make sure I'm putting in valuable time with them? Or even more, do I pop in a movie for Allie so I can have a normal, uninterrupted adult conversation with Brian? Or does that make me a bad mom? Is it okay for her to know the words to "Let It Go" as long as she also knows the words to "Trust and Obey"?

Should she be able to count to 5? Rattle off her ABC's? Is she supposed to be eating 3 square meals a day with healthy snacks in between? What if all she's had are refried beans and chips? And what about Maddie? She's obviously not getting as much attention as Allie did. Should I be spending more time playing and interacting with her? Should she be rolling over? Walking? Potty-trained?

I don't feel like I have everything together. There's stuff strewn about the floors, which haven't been cleaned in ages (although to be fair, concrete sub-floors can never really be that clean). The laundry pile seems to be growing even if I've just done 16 loads of laundry. Sometimes dinner burns. Sometimes the fridge has leftovers that have turned into science experiments.

Sometimes I realize minutes before Brian comes home that I haven't brushed my teeth yet. I've learned to ignore the stack of tools and building equipment that have taken over one side of our living room. And that's without even comparing myself to others (which is a deep, dark hole that once you fall into is nearly impossible to climb out of). It's a funny thing living in the internet age where everyone can plaster pictures of their homes all over the place. I don't think my mom ever took pictures of her home to show others. But in our world, this is normal. Comparing ourselves has become SO incredibly easy to do.

I know my goal as a Christian is to bring God glory. But what does that look like? It has to be different for each person, right? Because we're all different. So what's a woman to do?

Keep your head down. Live a quiet life. Work with your hands. Love God and others and do what you've been called to do. And it's okay if it looks different than other people. Because ultimately we are to compare ourselves to Christ and when we see how much we fall short, we rejoice in His gracious work on the cross.

Can I get an amen? Now excuse me while I tackle that laundry pile once again. 

Just kidding, I'm gonna go eat some chocolate cake.