Thursday, June 13, 2013

Worst Experience Ever

I've already blogged about some horrible and terrifying experiences with spiders. But today, I have one that takes the cake.

It literally caused a grown woman to hyperventilate and burst into tears.

Let me rewind... It all began with our plum tree. A week ago, the plums started to ripen. There were so many, I couldn't keep up with picking them. So today I decided to just get it done and pick all of the plums off our tree.

I grabbed a few large bowls and some paper bags and headed outside. About 30 minutes later, I had filled 5 paper bags and 2 large bowls. I brought everything inside and set it on the kitchen floor.

I was going to wash all the ones in the bowl so we could eat them and that's when I saw it...

Now I know that I can be one to exaggerate but I'm going to describe this spider for you in the most honest sense so you can cringe and cry with me.

It was all black with white spots. It had hairy legs and looked like a tarantula. Yeah, a TARANTULA. Its body was the size of a nickel and overall, it was probably close to the size of one of those dollar coins.

And that's when I started hyperventilating. I didn't have much time to think and I wanted to keep an eye on it because if it had crawled away and I couldn't find it, I would've grabbed Allie and burned the house down.

I grabbed my rubber dishwashing gloves and a paper towel and without thinking about it too much, grabbed the spider and squished.

It made a cracking sound when I squished it. Kind of like crushing a tortilla chip in your hand.

And that's when I started crying. My chest started heaving and I couldn't catch my breath. I ran to the bathroom and tossed the papertowel into the toilet. I flushed it 3 times, just to be sure.

And then I called Brian sobbing. Fortunately, he had the werewithal to refrain from laughing at me. But, you guys, I cried more just thinking about it. I was SO scared. Of course Brian pointed out that spiders aren't out to get me and it was probably more scared of me than I was of it.

Pssht. YEAH RIGHT. If I had 8 hairy legs and looked like death, I wouldn't be afraid of anyone. And because I accidentally saw a scene from Arachnaphobia when I was little, I assume all spiders are hostile and want to torment and kill me.

Now I've had the feeling like something is crawling on me all day and I keep thinking I see spiders crawling on the floor.

It's an understatement to say that this has been the most traumatizing experience of my life.

Oh and the irony is not lost on me that I had A Bug's Life Soundtrack playing in the background.