Thursday, July 13, 2017

Time is like sand. It's all over my car. Wait, that's not right...

Chloe cut another tooth today. And suddenly it feels like my children are slipping through my fingers. I've been told 68 million times to cherish this time because it goes by too quickly. And every time I respond "I know!" 

Because I do know. I look at Allie and she's a kid. Not a toddler anymore, that phase is long gone. She's a kid with thoughts and ideas and imagination and rebellion. She is beginning to slip away. What do I mean by that? Maddie is a toddler. She depends on me. She needs me to help her with so much (no matter how independent she insists she is). She still wants to cuddle and sit on my lap. She still needs me to get her food, open her granola bars, wash her hair. 

But Allie? She stands on her own two feet, so to speak. She gets her own food from the fridge, bathes herself, changes Chloe's diapers, dresses herself, does her own hair, the list could go on and on. She doesn't need me as much anymore and the more I see it, the more I grasp for it but the more it slips through my fingers like sand. 

Of course I want her to be independent and be able to take care of herself. But I don't want it. I already miss her dependence on me. 

And Chloe. The more desperately I want time to slow down so I can savor her baby-ness, the more it seems to flash before my eyes. She insists on pulling herself up to stand and is even starting to take steps while holding onto the coffee table and I'm just like "Who is this grown baby and where has my infant gone???" I miss those newborn snuggles and even though I know I held her as much as I could, it doesn't feel like enough. 

But what's a mom to do? Curl up into a ball and cry about it, that's what.