Tuesday, May 14, 2013

You might be a mom if... Part 2

I can't help it. Another mom post because that's my life now. You can see Part 1 here.

You might be a mom if...
  • You've sniffed your kid's butt to see if they're the culprit responsible for the poop smell in the nursery.
  • You know the location of every bathroom in all major grocery and department stores. 
  • You've ever nursed your baby while sitting in the car. Or in a dressing room. Or on the display gliding chair at Target. That's what it's there for, right?
  • The stain that used to be puke or drool on your shirt is now probably whatever your child had for breakfast. And you don't even care.
  • It's Thursday and you thought it was Tuesday. 
  • Dangly earrings and braids are a thing of the past unless you like having chunks of hair or ear pulled out. 
  • You've ever eaten baby food because, let's be honest, you know you're curious about what beets, purple carrots, and apple tastes like. (Hint: tastes like apple sauce)
  • Everything you see becomes potentially deadly to your child. "Don't touch that roll of tape, you could tear some off and swallow it and choke and die!!!!" And then you just about pass out and die when your husband lets her play with paper and she eats some. Is anyone else terrified of their baby getting a paper cut? Just me? Okay. She might as well have been chewing on a steak knife. 
  • You go to put a load of laundry in the washer only to find a load that has been sitting there for 2 days that was never moved to the dryer. 
  • You've ever thought that everything in your house had a normal level of sound until your baby is down for a nap. Then, all of a sudden, it's like "WHY DOES THE DOORKNOB TURN SO LOUDLY?!?!?!"  That's why I avoid sitting in our leather recliner. Have you heard how loud skin separating from leather sounds???