Wednesday, July 22, 2015

10 reasons why I'm using Instagram wrong

Since I've decided to not be a lurker anymore, (yes I'm still on this) I've started discovering new Instagram accounts. The more I see, the more I realize I'm using it totally wrong.

10 reasons why I'm using Instagram wrong 
1. I use it to document pictures of my kids. Except they're not dressed like models wearing the latest European simplistic line of vintage clothing. They're basically walking Old Navy ads. Seriously ON, where is my check?
2. I don't take pictures of my food in all stages. Not prepping it. Not cooking it. Not eating it. Also our dinner prep doesn't really look pretty. Ever. I mean, how pretty can refried beans be?
3. I don't show people my house. Granted, I use it to update my friends and family with our renovation happenings but the lighting is always terrible and since we're barely in what can be called the beginning stages of decorating, it just looks sad and bleak.
4. I don't have a green thumb. Bonus points if you have a fiddle leaf fig. Pretty sure that's a requirement, actually.
5. I don't take pictures of coffee. Not at home or at a coffee house. And Starbucks doesn't count, you uncultured swine! It must be a hipster coffee place that no one has ever heard of except anyone who is anyone! Bonus points if you get a fancy drink where they make designs in the foam or whatever it is that's at the top. 
6. I don't take selfies. I did once and made this weird puckering face and that is exactly why I don't take selfies. Bonus points if you're looking to the side or down at your feet in the pic. Super artsy. 
7. I don't take enough pictures of my bed or my kids sleeping. This is kind of the same as #3 but to be fair, my kids usually sleep in a dark cave so it's rare to get a picture of them sleeping that doesn't look like a gray, grainy square. Also, my kids don't sleep. {Insert maniacal laugh that turns into a sob here}
8. I don't use it to take pictures of what I'm wearing or have other people take pictures of me. But the only ones around to take pictures are Allie and Maddie and I'm laughing to myself now just thinking about how non-artsy those pictures would be. 
9. I don't use it to take cool pictures of architecture. Sorry, Target is pretty much the extent of my outings and they're not really known for their fancy architecture. 
10. I don't show my DIY projects. I'm assuming you have to actually be doing a project for the results to be shown and since I have a bunch of half finished projects.... Do you see where I'm going here?

I'm not mocking people who take pictures like this. In fact, I wish I could! But let's just say I can add "photographer" to the list of things I cannot do coupled with the fact that I'm not as cool as you might think. I know. Shocker.