Thursday, September 29, 2011

True life stories

I promise I'm smart.


I took Calculus in High School. And I was like nerdy. With straight A's and stuff.

But sometimes...


I feel stupid. Because I do stupid things.

Sometimes when I do stupid things, my husband gives me this look like he's desperately hoping that the woman he married did not just say/do whatever she did.

It's a look of shock mixed with incredulity and despair.

I blame my mother.

Don't get me wrong, my mom is a genius. She's an eye doctor for Pete's sake. But sometimes, those moments just happen and I think it infected me and my sisters. The plus side of it is that it's always good for some laughs...

Speaking of laughs, I'll share a few of those with you now.

1) Once upon a time a few months ago, my husband got heat stroke at work. He decided to tell me as he was driving home (2 hours away) and ended with "Okay, well hopefully I make it!" Now that whole episode was one big drama after another but all you need to know was that I told my sister who told her husband who told his twin brother who is friends with my husband. The twin brother wrote on my husbands FB wall "So, heard you tried to take on the big yellow one all by yourself?" I smirked initially when I read it because my sister's husbands twin brother is funny but then I thought about it... "Big yellow one? Is he talking about a bus? Does he know that Brian had heat stroke? What is he talking about?" After weeks of mulling over this, one day, walking through Target it struck me. He was talking about the sun. Seriously, guys. It took me weeks.

2) Once upon a time, my baby sis and I were driving with my mom and my baby sister was complaining about not having enough pencils for school. "What happened to the pencils and pack of lead I gave you?" I asked. Except when you say it really fast... you get my mom's response which was "Who's Aunt Packaletta?"

3) Once upon a time my older sis tried cooking pizza in a microwave. I wasn't there to witness the event but amidst constant laughter and wimpering, I finally got the story out of my baby sis. Evidently my older sis thought 5 minutes to cook a slice of pizza was a good amount of time and 3 minutes later, the microwave exploded. Smoke was billowing out of it and the plate had even cracked. In her attempt to rid the kitchen of smoke, my baby sis thought she'd wave a frying pan back and forth as a fan and subsequently smacked my older sis in the head or arm, I can't remember which. Let's go with head, because it's funnier.

4) Once upon a time I bit into a boiled egg that I had heated up in the microwave. NEVER bite into a boiled egg that you've heated up in a microwave.

5) Almost every single time you tell a joke in front of my baby sister, there will be a guaranteed 30 seconds of time it takes for her to a) hear the joke b) comprehend the joke and then c) laugh. Which is nearly just as funny (if not funnier) as the joke itself.

You know what the great thing is though? I love my family. Whenever we all get together, it's always lots of laughter and happiness. Because we're all a bit ditzy (except my dad, who is surprisingly, the only true blonde of our family) and it's just good comedy. I mean, the last time we were together, we almost got thrown out of a sushi restaurant for laughing so loudly. And almost every day I provide some good, solid laughs for my husband.

I really am smart, guys. I mean, I know big words like "incredulity" so yeah....